If you are somewhat normal, then Reese's Puffs are your favorite cereal. Sometimes you might try to eat cheerios or some other crap in hopes of being "health conscious", but honestly, you know in your heart that if you are having a bad day you will be right back on the Reese's train. And why not? Everyone knows that breakfast is good for you, and everyone knows that chocolate is awesome but frowned upon by a society that wants to ruin everyone's good time. Chocolaty cereal is a gray area that many people would not be able to function without. Sure you have been on this awesome new diet that really really blows, sure you are perfectly happy eating nothing but nasty south beach granola bars, and sure you are starting to really shed off the pounds (2 lbs in case you were wondering) But, you tell yourself that breakfast is the most important meal of the day despite what Dr. Fadkins says, so your back to the old habit of eating candyesque cereal for breakfast. Your stupid diet is over, and you are finnally happy.
Here is my point. None of that was at all relevant to what I am about to say. It probably wasn't even funny like I hoped it would be. Anyways, have you ever wondered whether or not the dark brown Reese's Puffs tasted any different than the light brown ones. I have. In fact, my curiosity was consuming me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus during class, and I was mysteriously out of money. That may of been from all of the crystal meth that I had been doing, but you see what I mean. Anyways my curiosity reached a boiling point. I had to know. It was either do or die. It was game time, so I got three bowls, put Reese's Puffs in one bowl, sorted the puffs by colors into the other bowls, and put milk into the bowls. Basically this was an extremely scientific experiment, which is going to be featured in all of the journals someday. They might even hail me as a genius. Kind of like a cross between Jesus, Karl Marx, and Soulja Boy. Anyways, on to the results. The peanut butter ones tasted like peanut butter, so that was affirming. The problem was that the chocolate ones tasted like a cross between peanut butter and chocolate. WTF!!! Pissing me off, and whatnot. Why the hell would they make one of them a distinct flavor and the other ones a mixed flavor. There are only two flavors. Why would they do that. It makes no sense especially because one of them tastes exclusively like peanut butter. I just don't know what to believe anymore. What kind of world do we live in. If you think that this is outrageous then I encourage you to personally right whatever company makes Reese's Puffs. I probably won't do this, so I am counting on you to carry my weight.
-JW
Thursday, April 2, 2009
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