Vitamin (not) Water

Check this out:
Water is the chemical substance with chemical formula H₂O: one molecule of water has two hydrogen atoms covalently bonded to a single oxygen atom.

You think to yourself, But Joooohn!! that definition means that Vitamin Water is not really water, and neither is Protein Water, and neither is LifeWater, and if the big companies say that it is water then I am inclined to believe them. (Run on sentance, but thats ok because that is how you talk.)

And you would be right... Just as much as you would be right if you say Mountain Dew is water. But that is okay. Its okay to be wrong. Really, it is.

Lets look at the ingredients Vitamin Water for a moment:
Vapor distilled, deionized water and/or reverse osmosis water, crystalline fructose, citric acid, vegetable juice (color), ascorbic acid (vitamin C), natural flavor, berry and fruit extracts (acai, blueberry, pomegranate and apple), magnesium lactate (electrolyte), calcium lactate (electrolyte), monopotassium phosphate (electrolyte), niacin (B3), pantothenic acid (B5), pyridoxine hydrochloride (B6), cyanocobalamin (B12)

Wowie Zowie! It looks like there is more than just vitamins and water in that fancy "water of yours" Who would have thought? I did, but you probably didn't. Thats okay. This ingredient list is pretty interesting considering the vitamin water motto "Vitamins+Water is all you need." I am not going to try and dispute this statement for being horrendously inaccurate. Which it is, but I am just going to note that there is more than just vitamins and water in this "drink. In fact, lets break it down there are twelve, count em, twelve ingredients in this little magic potion that are neither vitamins nor water, and only five ingredients that are vitamins and water.

If vitamins and water are all you need then why are there so many fancy extras? I will tell you wise. because that would taste awful, and then you would not buy it. So really their motto should be "Vitamins+Water is all you need if you want a horrible drink", and that is all I have to say about that except for this.

Look at the ingredients in a bottle of Jones Soda:

carbonated water, glucose fructose, natural and artificial flavors, phosphoric acid, sodium benzoate, potassium sorbate.

Take note that there are less non water and vitamins than in vitamin water.

Score.
Vitamin water | Every other drink
18 ingredients | 7 ingredients

With all of my watery love,
John Wesely

P.S. Even after writing all this I failed to spell Ingredients correctly even once.